At the beginning of year, I haven't create resolution and target yet. I have several issue that hit me so hard.
First one, I have review score from my company. It just average score. Below of most people in my technology division. Actually, all people got above average score but me. I was angered, confused, and feels damned. What's wrong with the score of my performance? My technology division got best team on the company. But not helping my score to increased.
Second, after my beloved wife got miscarriage. She need more time to be relax and something to do for making herself comfortable. So, she leave for rest and got some trip to Bandung for 1 month by now.
I really confuse when I write this. I was angered, but with who? I was confused, but by what?
Later, my wife tells me what wrong.
She told me that, the problem is myself :
1. Big ego, because I cannot being critized
2. Have no dedication for anything that I did
3. Never give 100% effort to anything that I did
4. Never really finish anything that I did
Yes, I realized that's all. But number 1 make cannot accept it easily.
Now, I know my problem. But still cannot accept it. Still cannot change for better.
I want to change, but other side of me said that no need to change fast.
Big EGO. Once again, EGO will kill me someday.
First one, I have review score from my company. It just average score. Below of most people in my technology division. Actually, all people got above average score but me. I was angered, confused, and feels damned. What's wrong with the score of my performance? My technology division got best team on the company. But not helping my score to increased.
Second, after my beloved wife got miscarriage. She need more time to be relax and something to do for making herself comfortable. So, she leave for rest and got some trip to Bandung for 1 month by now.
I really confuse when I write this. I was angered, but with who? I was confused, but by what?
Later, my wife tells me what wrong.
She told me that, the problem is myself :
1. Big ego, because I cannot being critized
2. Have no dedication for anything that I did
3. Never give 100% effort to anything that I did
4. Never really finish anything that I did
Yes, I realized that's all. But number 1 make cannot accept it easily.
Now, I know my problem. But still cannot accept it. Still cannot change for better.
I want to change, but other side of me said that no need to change fast.
Big EGO. Once again, EGO will kill me someday.
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